Bonnie was just trying to fit in. She liked being alone, listening to Rihanna and didn’t care much for socialising or playing the “get to know you” game. But, ‘twas the season to be jolly and she had to attend a Xmas party. She’s not sure why she had to attend, that’s just what everyone kept telling her she had to do, so she did.
But to overcome her social anxiety, Bonnie unfortunately got a little too drunk. So drunk that she told a really shit joke about the Sun goddess Beyonce. I’m not gonna tell you the joke because that’s how shit it was but the awkwardness of joke being the silence creator and mood killer of the party that it was, wasn’t the worst of Bonnie’s problems. Insulting the Sun goddess is a major and unforgivable sin, punishable by death, which is a shame because it’s a really bad way to go, (burned alive) and like I said, the joke was really shit so it’s hardly worth losing your life over.
So the people of the city, being the dramatic and unforgiving folk that they are, dragged Bonnie through the streets till she was near death then tied her up on a high pedestal, ready to burn her sinful body at the stake. Bonnie begged for her life and insisted she didn’t mean any harm. She said she was drunk and was just trying to fit in and she was really, really, really sorry. Even the Sun goddess herself Beyonce said they should all just chill the fuck out. She knows all about bad jokes. Years ago when she was in Destiny’s Child, they made a song called Nasty Girl which in hindsight, was kinda mean.
So, the people of the city, gassed to have been visited by the Sun goddess but still full of rage, gave Bonnie a task to perform as punishment while still tied to the high stake. Recite, word for word, a number one Beyonce song and all will be forgiven. This didn’t sit well with Bonnie. She’d explained she was drunk and just trying to fit in and that she was sorry so shouldn’t that be enough for them? They had publicly shamed her enough by dragging her through the street, so she felt like she’d paid the price for her crime. But no, the people of the city were cruel and unforgiving and her blood and tears just wasn’t enough. She must sing for them or be burned at the stake.
Bonnie was just trying to fit in. But she refused to be forced to fit in. So, as loud and as proud as she could, Bonnie sang ‘Umbrella’ by Rihanna. And even the though the song has lyrics such as “When the Sun shines, we’ll shine together…” the people of the city did not accept her song as an apology nor catch the irony. If they love the Sun goddess that much, she was sure they’d like the line about the Sun. But no, it flew over their angry heads.
And as the power hungry and unforgiving city of blood thirsty, judges, jury’s and executioners danced around Bonnie’s burning body, Rihanna, the Rain goddess, suddenly descended upon the city and summoned a devastating typhoon, dousing the flames, killing everyone in the city and saving Bonnie’s life.